Hidan's Diary of Doom
by Tara Terra
Summary: Hidan is given a diary by Pein, what does he write in it?
1. Chapter 1: January

_Here is the first chapter in my first Naruto fanfic, Hidan's Diary Of Doom. Please review._

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January 10th

So, our leader, Pein, gave me a fucking diary today. HE thinks that writing in it will make me less fucking psychotic. Psychotic, we're the freaking Akatsuki, a group of S-class freaking criminals! If he wasn't our leader I would fucking kill him. Maybe I should run my scythe through Kakuzu the greedy money hoarding asshole again. Or, here's a though, I could kill creepazoid Tobi, and rid the organization of a real nuisance. Yes, that is a fucking good idea.

-Hidan

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January 11th

So, sadly Tobi is still freakin alive as Pein somehow fucking read my diary. I am forbidden from sacrificing any of the Akatsuki members. Nothing interesting is happening lately, damn, I want to go find a person to sacrifice.

-Hidan

**No sacrificing members of the Akatsuki, Hidan. I need them all alive.**

**-Pein**

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January 12th

Today, I am abstaining from my usual way of speaking out of respect for Jashin on this special day. I will keep my speech pure all day to make sure nothing bad happens. O fear that the other Akatsuki members are going to do their best to make me curse. However, non of them can sway me!

-Hidan

**TOBI EZ A GOOD BOY! **

**-Tobi**

This is going to be harder than I thought. Jashin help me.

-Hidan

**You mean you want me to help you.**

**-Pein, The One Who Is God**

**Cthulhu**

**-Kissamee**

Pein, you are not god. Kisame, Cthulhu does not exist. Now, will everyone fucking leave me in peace? Oh no...**  
**

**Hidan was struck by lightening and is unable to move at the moment will not be able to write in this for a while.**

**-Konan**

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January 23rd

I'm so fucking bored today that I decided to begin to write in this stupid thing again. Tomorrow I am going on a mission with Kakuzu, I don't know freakin why yet.

-Hidan

**Can Tobi come with? TOBI EZ A GOOD BOY!**

**-Tobi**

GET OUT OF MY DIARY YOU DAMN CREEP!

-A very angry Hidan

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January 31st

I was fucking not allowed to write about the freaking mission, but I can safely say, Kakuzu the money hoarding asshole made lots of money and I got to freaking sacrifice someone. Maybe having a fucking diary isn't that fucking bad.

-Hidan

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_I hope you liked the first month. I decided to make this chapter longer than the short thing it was and to make it more interesting. Please review._


	2. Chapter 2: February

_Time to see what Hidan is up to in February. Please read and review._

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February 1st

A new month... I want to go on a mission and find someone to sacrifice. Oh, and Konan's freaking birthday is coming up and if I don't buy her a fucking present, she and Pein will kill me. The rest of the Akatsuki will freaking help them. The rest of the world will volunteer to help as well. I need to go shopping. What do girls like Konan want? As a matter of fact, what do girls want?

-Hidan

I will help you Hidan.

-Kissamee

Kisame, you need to learn to spell your name. It's like you're telling people to kiss you.

-Itachi

Pinkeye, fish face, out of my fucking diary!

-Hidan

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February 10th

I just got back from a very important mission I went on with Kakuzu. Zetsu went with us. We had to track down and kill the creators of the abomination called Teletubies. I got to sacrifice half of them and Zetsu ate the others. Kakuzu was laughing as he got a new heart. However, when we were done I fucking ripped his heart out with my scythe out of boredom. Ha! Now that was great. He got very upset. I was surprised that Orochimaru was not resposible for creating teletubies. He would do that kind of thing, the pedophile, and I want to kill him to prove to him he will never become immortal, he is only immoral.

-Hidan

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February 12th

Yesterday, I could not fucking write in my diary as Kakuzu cut my head off to get revenge. He will pay. Is it even possible to sacrifice money? I fucking hope it is.

-Hidan

* * *

February 15th

Today, I played a prank on Deidara. I gave Tobi all of his clay and redecorated his room. It was freaking hilarious.

-Hidan

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February 16th

**I will kill you Hidan!**

**-Deidara**

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February 17th

I don't know how Deidara fucking wrote in my diary, but he will pay.

-Hidan

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February 17th

Today I put lemon juice in Itachi's eyedrops. Kisame wrote for him with terrible spelling and grammer in his diary. Itachi has no freaking clue who did it to him.

-Hidan

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February 18th

Itachi is still recovering from my prank. He doesn't know who freaking did it yet.

-Hidan

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February 19th

I bought Konan a collection of colorful origami paper. She better freaking like it.

-Hidan

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February 20th

Today is Konan's birthday. She liked my gift so I got to live. She and Pein are at a fancy dinner right now. Alone. They wouldn't let us come along.

-Hidan

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February 21st

Kisame just told Itachi that I put the lemon juice in his eyedrops. I have to run. Damn it.

-Hidan

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February 22nd

**Hidan is on fire right now.**

**-Itachi  
**

**Itachi and Hidan are bad boyz!  
**

**-Tobi  
**

**You owe me money.  
**

**-Kakuzu  
**

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February 28th

I finally recovered from Itachi using Amaterasu on me. Fire actually hurt! Apparently, the others are turning my diary into a freaking public forum. Damn. Is nothing sacred!?

-Hidan

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_So that was February, please review. I hope you like this month.  
_


	3. Chapter 3: March

_Time to see what March is like for Hidan._

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March 1

Today, I fortunately ran into a fucking Konoha shinobi chewing a senbon. He will make a good sacrifice. I need many for the Jashinist festival later this month.

-Hidan

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March 2

Stalking Senbon Chewing Shinobi. I will fucking catch him soon.

-Hidan

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March 3

Still fucking stalking. I put some freaking senbon on the ground to get his attention so I can catch him.

-Hidan

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March 4

Wow, my plan freaking worked. I caught him finally. He doesn't seem to be that fucking bright. I mean, wanting some senbon I put on the ground, really? I have an excess of sacrifices and can't fucking wait return to the base.

-Hidan

* * *

March 5

Who knew fifty living people would be so fucking heavy?

-Hidan

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March 6

I got back to base today. Each of the people are now in a fucking iron cage until the festival on the 13th. It's a Friday this year so it's extra fucking special. Oh, our supreme overlord dictator raincloud fucking waffle burner Pein just fucking yelled at me for having so many sacrifices. He can go to

**I have stopped Hidan from threatening me.**

**-Pein, who is more important than Jashin and does not burn waffles**

But you do fucking burn waffles.**  
**

-Hidan

**I do not. Konan burns them.**

**-Pein, the one who does not burn waffles**

Pein, you do burn them and you are in trouble.

-Konan

* * *

March 13

Friday the Thirteenth, ah, the Jashinist festival of sacrificing living people is finally fucking here. It only happens every five years. I have a record forty fucking sacrifices this year. Last time my record was a shitty thirty. I would have had fifty, but nine were used to feed Zetsu and one we are going to keep as a pet. The Senbon Chewing Shinobi is now our pet and he is named Senbon Chewing Shinobi. Itachi seems to like him. I attempted to sacrifice Tobi but he fucking escaped me. Which is fucking awful as if I had been able to kill Tobi, Pein would have given me a huge pay raise. Not to mention, the rest of this fucking organization would adore me for destroying our worst fucking nightmare.

-Hidan

Thank you for not killing me. I will be a good pet.

-Senbon Chewing Shinobi

* * *

March 17

Tommorow is Kisames birthday. I bought him ten rare fish as a gift. Although I stole money from Kakuzus fucking indestructable, impossible to enter safe to buy them. Who pays $5,000 for some fucking inedible fish? Kakuzu should buy a new fucking safe with a better lock as his is so easy to get into the even fucking Tobi took his money a few times.

-Hidan

* * *

March 18

Kisame left to spend his birthday with his family. Itachi had to go with him although he fuckingwanted to stay here. Something about almost getting fucking eaten. Oh well.

-Hidan

**Thanks for the fish.**

**-Kissamee**

* * *

March 21

Today, I was fucking scarred for life by a man and a boy in ridiculous shittygreen warm up suits that fucking attacked me screaming random things about youth and flowers. And my eyes are fucking burning because of this unescapable gay sunset waterfall hugging genjutsu. Itachi says they are from his old village. If that's what most of the shinobi there are like, I never want to go there. It must be full of fucking freaks.

-Hidan

**GIVE IN TO THE BLOSSOMING POWERS OF YOUTH!**

**-Rock Lee**

DIE! How are you fucking writing in my diary?

-A very freaked out Hidan

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_Now that was March. Guess who will soon have a diary, Rock Lee. Please review._


	4. Chapter 4: April 1st

Enjoy the update. Please review and follow.

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April 1st

Today is the last fucking day that this fucking diary will see the fucking light of day. I have successfully sacrificed every Akatsuki member and all of the Shinobi of this fucking world. I have also become the fucking king of the world and have a harem of over six hundred fucking hot women. I will now go to sea and become a fucking pirate, Occasionally returning to my fucking palace. This diary will be fucking burned and the ashes scattered before I leave and I will never fucking keep another one. This is the end of my diary, no one will remember me having this in the Akatsuki as they are all fucking gone. Goodbye and good fucking riddance.

-Hidan

**FOOLED YOU! It's April fucking first so none of this shit fucking happened! I need to run now, Itatchi is about to try to fucking kill me!**

**-Hidan**

* * *

Don't worry, the rest of April is on the way.


	5. Chapter 5: April

Time for a new month. I hope no one got too freaked out by last chapter. This story is not ending and hopefully will last a while. In honor of the talk of pirates in the last chapter, Hidan's Diary of Doom is having a special chapter in which the reviewers can participate. This event is Pirate Day! The Akatsuki will be going to a pirate themed carnival and the reviews that wish to participate will make appearances interacting with them. To participate all you have to do is in a review put down what you will look like, what you would say or do, and if you want, a specific character you want to interact with. As I haven't done something like this before, I will not limit the amount of participants, so please participate. I need the help of my wonderful readers to make Pirate Day happen.

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April 2nd

Today I fucking went to a bar with Kakuzu. A stripper wearing a cat costume attacked him with a whip and stole his money. Wait, I don't think she's a stripper. I've got to fucking run!

* * *

April 3rd

Don't stop fucking believin' Hold on to that fucking feeling Sacrificing feels good

**That's not how that song goes...**

**-Konan**

Yes it is, I wrote it.

**Um, no. Hidan you just stole a Journey song called Don't Stop Believin', added cursing and three words about sacrificing.**

**-Konan**

Does it look like I fucking care?

**Shh... Konan, be glad he's not into screamo.**

**-Deidara**

Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! Paaaaaiiiin! Pain is epic! Kill! Sacrifice!

**Too late.**

**-Konan**

**Nooooooooooooooo...**

**-Deidara**

* * *

April 4th

By the order of Pein, Hidan's singing is now banned in the base in order to prevent Deidara from katsuing us to oblivion.

-Pein

* * *

April 5th

Today I pissed Itachi off. I hope I can outrun him.

**Hidan is in Sharingan La La Land. I need to hide, Itachi's mad and when he's mad he usually takes it out on me.**

**-Deidara**

* * *

April 11th

Sacwifice! Yay! Kewl! Hulk smash! Hidan smash!

**I will personally Amaterasu whoever gave Hidan alcohol.**

**-Itachi**

* * *

April 15th

Itachi not only used the fucking Amaterasu on Kakuzu, for giving me alcohol, he used it on me and Deidara for the heck of it. I think Itachi's trying to set a new fucking record for torturing me.

* * *

April 16th

I went out and bought a shit ton of Incredible Hulk stuff. Hulk fucking smash! The Hulk is fucking awesome and my favorite superhero.

**Mine's Aquaman**

**-Kisame**

**Poison Ivy**

**-Zetsu**

**Superman**

**-Pein**

**The Human Bomb**

**-Deidara**

**Batgirl, Cassandra Cain version**

**-Konan**

**Firehawk**

**-Itachi**

**Huntress**

**-Sasori**

**Wonder Woman or Catwoman**

**-Kakuzu**

**THE QUESTION**

**-TOBI**

**Myself**

**-Naruto**

**HOW THE HELL ARE YOU WRITING IN THIS?**

**-Akatsuki**

* * *

April 17

How does that fucking Fox brat even know I have a diary, much less fucking wrote in it from thousands of fucking miles away?

* * *

April 18

Tomorrow we are going to a fucking epic pirate themed carnival! I can't freaking wait!

* * *

As I said earlier, I need reviewers to take part in this for it to happen. I hope you're interested. Don't forget that to participate all you have to do is in a review put down what you will look like, what you would say or do, and if you want, a specific character you want to interact with. It's simple and I need people so please review!


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